It's important to understand the four major types of communication so that you can effectively communicate with people who have different communication styles than you.
The way we communicate with others is shaped by our personality and every person has a predominant communication style based on the level of dominance (I win) and sociability (you win) - aggressive, passive, assertive, and passive-aggressive communication styles have their own distinct characteristics. This article will help you to identify each and provide tips for you to communicate most effectively with the different types.
Assertive (I win, you win)
Assertive communicators are direct and honest about their thoughts and feelings. They ask questions and share opinions with clarity and confidence. An assertive communicator will make their needs and desires known and will work to build respectful and collaborative relationships with others.
Assertive is the most effective style of communication as it comes from a place of confidence. If used in the right way, it can help get the outcome you want.
Assertiveness is also the most beneficial and productive type of communication in the workplace, encompassing the ability to share views and ideas. Assertive communicators take on challenges but also know how to say 'no' They understand their own limits and protect their boundaries without acting aggressively or defensively. They are also able to make others feel comfortable and they’re the ones that people look for because they know they can easily have an effective discussion.
The key characteristics of assertive communication are:
Honesty
Directness
Responsibility
Respectfulness
Assertive behaviour is expressed by:
Stating needs, feelings, and opinions openly, clearly, respectfully and appropriately
Body language matching the message
Collaborative approach
Using 'I' statements
Friendly eye contact
Standing up for themselves politely and confidently
Listening actively without interruption
When you’re communicating with someone who is assertive, be direct and honest about your thoughts and feelings. Ask them questions and actively listen to their responses.
As the best communication style for almost all situations, you can learn to be more assertive by:
Sharing your needs and ideas confidently
Being a good listener
Being aware of your body language and tone to ensure they match the message
Encouraging others to share their ideas
Using emotional intelligence
Being open to feedback
Speaking with facts - don't judge or exaggerate
Delivering messages in a calm and controlled manner
Ensuring your message is clear and easily understood
Practising! This will improve your confidence, which is key
Passive (I lose, you win)
Passive communication is characterised by vagueness or inaction. When a person communicates passively, they are not likely to respond directly. A passive communicator may have difficulty expressing their thoughts and feelings and may be unwilling to challenge others. Passive communicators please others to avoid conflict. They ignore their own wants and needs and put someone else’s above their own. It is not usually a style seen in senior management positions.
The key characteristics of passive communication are:
Indirectness
Silence
Avoidance
Resignation
Signs of a passive communicator include:
Quiet and not looking for attention
Allowing others to step on their rights
Acting like they don't care
Don't often have a strong opinion
Not able to say no
Lack of eye contact, poor posture, and fidgeting
Soft voice
Apologetic demeanour
If you’re communicating with someone who is passive, be aware of your tone and don’t push them to engage in a conversation.
Have conversations in private - this is often more comfortable for a passive communicator than in group settings
Ask for their opinions and use open-ended questions
Allow plenty of time for them to think over their responses
Stay patient with long silences
Passive-aggressive (I lose, you lose)
Passive-aggressive communication can be difficult to identify initially. It can occur when someone is resentful, annoyed or angry, but they keep those feelings to themselves instead of dealing directly with the source of their frustration. Passive-aggressive communication is often demonstrated through sarcasm, duplicity or stubbornness. A passive-aggressive communicator might be reluctant to voice their opinions but not agree with yours either.
Passive-aggressive communicators will appear to be passive and compliant but are actually manipulative or belligerent when taking action. 'Two-faced' is a common term used to describe these communicators. Communication may seem to be smooth and easy but the outcome can differ from what is agreed upon or expected. These people can be unreliable and untrustworthy.
The key characteristics of passive-aggressive communication are:
Resentment
Avoidance
Lack of directness
Resistance
Signs of a passive-aggressive communicator include:
Quietly manipulating a situation into one that benefits them
Muttering rather than confronting the issue or person
Using sarcasm
Denial or defensiveness
Body language does not match their message
Giving the silent treatment
If you’re communicating with someone who is passive-aggressive, be mindful of your own feelings and don’t let the other person’s negativity get to you.
Make clear requests
Don't leave room for misunderstanding or confusion
Document conversations and outcomes
Confront negative behaviour
Consider looping in a manager if your conversation doesn’t make any difference
Directly ask them for their feedback or a solution to try to get honest communication
Aggressive (I win, you lose)
Aggressive communication is usually loud and hostile, but it can also take the form of silence and intimidating body language. An aggressive communicator may use words like “you should” or “you have to” when talking to others, which can be especially harmful to someone who is sensitive or a people-pleaser.
This communicator is focused on achieving their goal at all costs (even if the other person is disadvantaged) and is not interested in finding mutual agreement or collaboration. The person can become forceful and even bullying.
Aggression should never be used as a communication style but is important to identify it so you are able to understand where the other person is operating from and take the right approach in your communication.
Aggressive communicators often express their thoughts and feelings without a filter and usually dominate conversations, at the expense of others. They may also react before thinking, thereby negatively affecting relationships and decreasing productivity in the workplace.
While an aggressive communication style might get respect in certain leadership situations, it’s often intimidating and counter-productive in the end.
The key characteristics of aggressive communication are:
Hostility
Dominance
Impatience
Criticism
Urgency
Signs of an aggressive communicator include:
Speaking loudly and make demands
Trying to dominate and inspire fear
Interrupting and impulsive
Criticising, blaming or attacking others
Overbearing posture, using aggressive gestures and intense eye contact
Not listening well
Using humiliation and 'you' statements
When you’re communicating with someone who is aggressive, don’t give in to their demands or engage with their hostility. Don’t take their criticism personally.
Focus your conversation on facts
Be professional and courteous no matter the provocation
Remain calm and even-tempered
Direct the conversation away from personal issues or emotions
Walk away from the situation if the aggressive communicator becomes too demanding, intimidating or you’re no longer making positive progress
Tips for communicating effectively with different styles
Here are some tips to effectively communicate with people who have a different communication style than you:
Practice active listening: When someone is speaking, it’s important to listen and absorb what they’re saying - not what you plan on saying next. Be aware of their body language and tone.
Ask questions: Asking questions can help you better understand the other person’s point of view. This can also help you build a connection with the person, showing that you are interested in what they have to say.
Be open-minded and respectful: When you’re communicating with someone who has a different communication style, it’s important to be open-minded and try to understand why they are communicating the way they do.
Be patient: Take the time to listen to what the other person is saying and be patient with them.
Use nonverbal communication: Nonverbal communication such as facial expressions and body language can convey a lot of information and can be used to communicate effectively with different communication styles.
Use different methods of communication Try to use different ways of communicating with the other person, such as email, text, or face-to-face. This will help ensure that the other person is receiving the message correctly.
Summarise and confirm: After the other person has finished speaking, it is important to summarise what you heard in order to make sure that you both understand each other.
Wrapping up
Our communication styles are influenced by many factors, including our upbringing, our culture, and even our mood. It is possible to become more aware of your dominant communication style and actively develop it into an assertive style, which is the optimum form of business communication. Be aware of the communication styles of others and the techniques available to communicate effectively with them to build beneficial workplace relationships.
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